Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
