he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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