I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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