So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
