yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
