I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
