So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
