i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
