i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
