Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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