We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
