you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
