I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
