She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
