I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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