spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
