lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
