yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Dignity is for republicans.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
