sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
