haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
organizing the empties. That sober.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
