the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
She's not a foreskin expert like you
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
