he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
