alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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