if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Randomize