Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
