there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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