I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
