Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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