Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
