Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
