Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
i believe in u and ur pee
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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