I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize