I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize