he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
