Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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