I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
