that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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