just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Randomize
