So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
