Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
It's shark week go big or go home
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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