Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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