Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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