I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
