Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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