he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
