Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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