Please, let me fuck your mom
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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