Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
