Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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