i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
