I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
