If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
