plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
