Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
