Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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