I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Randomize
