Walk of Shame. In a state park.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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