Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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