I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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