i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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