I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
ttyl tear gas
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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