Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
