And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
