before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I think pants incapable of making pants work
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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