So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize