Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
