Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
