when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
