Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize