You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
