I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize