I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
