Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
