I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
