Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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