I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
